CHAPTER 3: Be With Me

Doyoung woke up with a headache, a throbbing ball of weight gathering heavily in the back of his head, the skin around his eyes still tender. He glanced at the bedside clock and it read nine-thirty-three. He spring up from the bed and brushed his teeth to get himself ready for work.

Jeongwoo has left for work already. He left a note saying he is going to meet with Mr. Harrington for an important matter.

“You looked extra tired so I did not dare wake you up,” was the follow-up message he received.

He dressed in record time and managed a few sips of his coffee to keep him awake for the rest of the day.

Overnight, something inside him had changed. He felt different. Staring at the bathroom mirror, he even looked at himself differently. From the moment he’d left for California, his mind has strategically diverted his focus on his job and not on a certain someone.

At least the conversation last night cleared things up. Only if, only if they have talked things out, they would’ve been together until now, Doyoung thought. Or maybe not.

Everything happens for a reason, he whispered to himself.

He rests his forehead on the taxi’s window with his eyes closed on the way to the hospital, both thinking and napping at once. He has a feeling Mr. Harrington might attack him for his tardiness.

He is outrageously late, nodding a wordless apology to the lady at the reception who told him to go to the psychiatric ward immediately.

“You’re finally here,” Yoon Jaehyuk greeted him. “You look tired.”

“Do I?” Doyoung asked back although he knows. The ward, when he arrived, do not have any patients. There is a male nurse on the side arranging some papers. Nothing stood out and by the looks of it, Doyoung has not missed any relevant information yet.

“You do,” Yoon Jaehyuk affirmed. “Have a seat, I have something to tell you.”

“Okay,” Doyoung sat down. “What is it? Do you know where Jeongwoo is?”

“He’s out at the clinic with Steve. They’re probably talking about some promotional ads to be posted on the streets by now,” Jaehyuk answered.

“Along the streets? Are we talking about posters and all?” Doyoung asked. He is not sure that is a good idea.

“Yeah,” Jaehyuk confirmed. “We may be technologically advanced now, but posters and LED advertisements work just fine here.”

“Really?”

“People here like to walk, we don’t have tricycles or motorcycles here, people walk, and posters are pretty much effective, especially in waiting areas.”

“I forgot the difference,” Doyoung agreed. “But it won’t be my tasks, right? Designing for graphics?”

“Don’t stress about it, we have graphic designers contacted already,” Jaehyuk smiled at him. “And that’s not what we are going to talk about today.”

“What is?”

“As you can see, Shriner’s and Steve Harrington have a great deal of a connection. It so happen that the director liked your e-mail marketing lead template, and they wanted to take a portion of your time to work under them for their 70th anniversary next month.”

“Next month? But I am only contracted here for this month,” confused, Doyoung noted himself to ask Hyunsuk about his working contract.

“Ah, that, I guess Jeongwoo hasn’t told you yet,” Jaehyuk looked at him intently. “Steve decided he’ll extend his contract with 7’Chill for another month. But don’t worry, Shriner’s will be paying you separately. Take this is a part-time job, I heard you’re good at doing extra jobs.”

“Does 7’Chill know I will be pirated? I don’t want to breach any contract.”

“They know, they said we could use you however we want,” was the reply.

“I took offense,” Doyoung laughed.

“In a positive way, that is,” Jaehyuk assured him. “You have a very pretty smile.”

“That’s so sudden but thank you!” Doyoung blushed.

The day goes by slowly, and Doyoung’s mind is both sluggish and thoughtful at once as the hours crawl by. He was introduced to many people in the hospital including some heads of the different departments which he knew did not matter in his writeups.

He paused on the bulletin board that contains all the employees in the hospital. It’s like an organizational chart with the actual faces of the employees. He looked for Junghwan’s profile.

He found Junghwan’s. He is currently assigned to the pediatric ward and by the looks of it, he’s the only Filipino in the ward. He wondered how the tall guy has adjusted to the job with kids on the line.

After a ride back home, he entered the apartment and lowered himself to the couch, not yet bothering to remove his daytime clothing. Jeongwoo followed suit. He placed the box of pizza they managed to order on their way home and opened it.

“I’m eating,” he announced. Doyoung did not mind at all. He stared at the opposite wall for a long time, seeing how some of the wallpapers have started to detach from it, gradually revealing their wooden identity.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jeongwoo asked him. He sat down opposite him while taking control of the pizza. “Don’t think too hard, you might get drowned.”

“I know how to swim,” Doyoung said flatly. He looked at Jeongwoo and pursed his lips.

“Is something wrong?” the other guy asked as he closed the box of pizza.

“Nothing, I was just…” Doyoung paused. “…surprised with all the events that have been happening here. The additional job, the weather, gosh, I hate it, and I suddenly miss home.”

“I see,” Jeongwoo stood up and took a napkin, and wiped the corners of his mouth and his hands. “You know what? Stand up!”

Doyoung looked confused.

“Come on,” Jeongwoo urged him. “Let’s dance our homesickness away!”

He then opened his phone and typed something on his Spotify mobile app and allowed a Filipino party song to blare in their flat.

Jeongwoo started dancing off beats and all Doyoung could see is how carefree the other guy was. He started flailing his hands to the beat of the music. For a couple of seconds, all Doyoung did was look at Jeongwoo dancing.

“Come on, don’t be such a killer,” he heard Jeongwoo shout amidst the loud music.

When Doyoung stood up, Jeongwoo reckoned him to follow his steps along. Hand-in-hand, they are both jumping at the sound of the music. They are dancing together amid the light, amid the cold weather, and the stillness of the night. They were more at home than they'd ever been.

When the music stopped, Doyoung was catching his breath, and so does Jeongwoo.

Doyoung let out a chuckle.

“That was…” he breathes in. “…hilariously fun.”

“Right?” Jeongwoo closed his eyes. “At least I won’t be watching TV tonight for me to get to sleep early, I’m suddenly tired.”

“Me too,” Doyoung opened the box and took one slice of pizza.

“Hungry?” Jeongwoo inquired.

“Very,” he munched on the rest of the slice. Jeongwoo was just looking at him. “Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jeongwoo looked away. “There is something on your…here.”

Doyoung touched the corner of his lip. “Here?”

“Not there,”

“Where? I can’t see.”

“Here,” Jeongwoo offered his hand and guided Doyoung’s finger to land in the right area where the crumb is located. “There.”

He tugged Doyoung’s hand further beyond their distance and leaned his face forward.

Doyoung registered their proximity, the small distance between their faces, and sensed Jeongwoo’s scent for the first time, deep and coarse. A surge of alarm jolted through him and he tried to pull his finger that the other guy is holding back, but Jeongwoo’s grip is rigid, unrelenting.

He is rooted in his place. He is soaked with the guy’s scent, the wild heat that is spreading from his touch into his blood, and slowly his alarm and defensiveness dissolve into a steady ache.

He looked at Jeongwoo’s face, kind and pure. He has nothing but good intentions so far and as much as he wanted to deny it, the fact is, Park Jeongwoo has been his confidant these days and if this is going where it is going, Doyoung cannot help but break Jeongwoo's feeling toward him.

Jeongwoo released his finger, and Doyoung leaned on the couch. Instinctively, Jeongwoo pressed his fingertips into the man’s shirt, feeling for his flesh. His other hand reached to cup the back of Doyoung’s neck, harboring him in place.

“Tell me to stop, and I will”, Jeongwoo whispered and tilted his face, placing a gentle kiss on Doyoung’s forehead, causing his eyes to press tightly shut.

Distantly, Doyoung thinks that while he foolishly let himself fall deeper and deeper into a wormhole of emotions towards this beauty of a man, he has never put enough thought to keep track of his way out of this, and has forgotten to mark his path of escape. He only needed to say the magic word, and the guy will stop. He doubted anything will happen until the very last moment, almost certain that Jeongwoo will sober up any moment now and push him away. But he did not.

Their noses touch, and Doyoung’s lips part with wonder, tasting the air.

“Tell me to stop, and I will, Kim Doyoung.”

Almost certain of it, until Jeongwoo leans his face close, so close, and hovered on top of Doyoung.

“Stop,” Doyoung managed to say when Jeongwoo’s lips touched his. It was a light touch, nothing special but Doyoung’s heart is pounding so hard against his chest. The other guy immediately pulled away.

“Sorry,” Jeongwoo apologized. He was panicking. “I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s okay,” Doyoung reassured. “I was just… I just…”

Jeongwoo said nothing and pulled away from him, completely standing. The air is tense between them for long moments as they stay where they were until Jeongwoo muttered a small apology which Doyoung accepts with a nod.

“Really, sorry for…”

“Please don’t apologize,” Doyoung reassured. “You did nothing wrong. It’s just that… you’re a sweet guy, kind and caring... but-”

“But, you don’t like me like that,” Jeongwoo finished his intended message. “You can’t be with me.”

“Sorry,” Doyoung mumbled.

“I understand,” Jeongwoo said quietly.

The howling of the wind outside can be heard from the inside. Doyoung noted that it is already nine in the evening.

“You still love him, don’t you? So Junghwan, you still love him.”

“Doesn’t matter really,” Doyoung told him. He stood up and picked up the box of pizza.

“We met, actually,” Jeongwoo announced. “Yesterday, at the hospital. We bumped into each other. He looked great. Same So Junghwan I know. He asked about you and I told him you’ve been doing great. He seemed to have regretted everything he did, Doyoung.”

“Still,” Doyoung faced him. “He’s still an asshole.”

“Not that I am stepping on the line or something, and this may be unsolicited advice, but he deserves a chance to at least explain his side.”

“We already talked,” Doyoung placed the box of pizza inside the fridge. “We talked, and I understand him. I was just… I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I trusted him so much that it hurts to think he did that to me.”

“What’s holding you back?”

“From?”

“Talking to him? From starting all over again?”

“It’s easier said than done, really,” Doyoung grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, opened it, and took a sip. “I need some time.”

“I understand.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I understand you, and I understood him too, and being in the middle is difficult.”

“Why? You don’t have to do something.”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me that.”

Silence.

“I hope this doesn’t affect our relationship, Jeongwoo,” Doyoung wished. He really liked Jeongwoo. He’s a reliable man and an attractive one too. It’s just that Doyoung isn’t drawn to him romantically. “I mean, I am comfortable working with you, you seem like a good man, and you have good work ethics too.”

“Of course,” Jeongwoo laughed awkwardly. “No worries, I just…I just find you really attractive, Doyoung, no wonder Junghwan fell head over heel. There is something in you… I don’t know how to say this, but you’re really attractive.”

The next morning, Jeongwoo is gone early. He took the job of covering some events that has something to do with morning exercises that could help people with autism start a positive day. Doyoung contended that he should do it knowing that Jeongwoo is the senior one in the job, but the latter argued he liked working early.

The clouds looked puffy and grey that morning, Doyoung mused as he gestured for a taxi. He took the back seat of the car and named his destination to the driver. He stared at the passing people through the taxi’s only half translucent window, trying to set his mind to neutral.

Halfway through the ride, his cellphone piped again, informing him of another message. He pulled the device out of his bag and unlocked the screen.

“I read your concern about the contract, don’t stress about it, we have everything arranged. Enjoy your Christmas there,” Hyunsuk’s message came.

There is another one from his parents telling him to enjoy his day and to take care of himself.

When he arrived at the ward, Yoon Jaehyuk is talking to the male nurse from yesterday.

“Good morning!” he greeted.

“To you too!” Jaehyuk greeted back with equal fervor. “By the way, as for your project that we discussed yesterday. Remember that?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Cool! You’ll be aided by a nurse, he has a background in writing as well so I hope you two can work together,” Yoon Jaehyuk said. He urged the male nurse on the side to come along to the table. “This is Kanemoto Yoshinori, a Filipino-Japanese, nurse.”

“Oh, hi!” Doyoung greeted, pleased. “I’m Kim Doyoung. I hope we can work well together.”

“Hi, Kim Doyoung, call me Yoshi. Likewise.”

They both shared a handshake.

“How’s your stay here so far?” Yoshi asked him. Yoon Jaehyuk left the two of them to discuss matters relating to the email marketing campaign for the hospital’s platinum anniversary.

“I don’t like the weather,” Doyoung replied. “It’s biting.”

“Really? Wait till summer,” Yoshi warned. “Oh, wait, how long are you going to stay here?”

“Until December, I heard,” Doyoung folded the paper with the draft they made. Everything in the discussion has been properly thought of. Yoshi seemed to be a good person. “I don’t know really, but I have an active working visa of one year.”

“You should visit Santa Monica State beach, it’s cool.”

“Even during winter?”

“Yeah,” Yoshi stood up. “The waters there are relatively cool to cold. To be honest, the winter here is not terribly cold. It won't be 'beach weather' but it's not going to look a lot different than it does in the summer as well.”

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” Doyoung commented.

“Very fun,” Yoshi affirmed. “The first time I came here, I was hesitant to go around, I was scared of the people. But everything has been good.”

“Adjustment,” Doyoung said flatly.

“But really though, I recommend you to go to Santa Monica. The baywalk there is really cool. I encourage you to rent bikes. There's a long bike path that's very enjoyable and there are quite a few interesting beachfront houses to look at as well.”

“Sounds like a good place,” Doyoung took his pen and placed it inside his bag. “When you go out, who do you go with? Are you close with the Americans here?”

They started walking to the hospital cafeteria. Yoshi complained he has not eaten breakfast yet, so Doyoung, being the good person that he is, decided to accompany the nurse.

“Not really, but they’re cool to hang out with, but sometimes I cannot keep up with them, cultural differences and all,” Yoshi led the way. They walked down a small patio where it adjoins the small cafeteria. “I mostly hang out with Filipinos.”

“Are you a lot here? Filipino nurses?” Doyoung inquired.

“Not really, there are only a few. You should meet So Junghwan!”

Doyoung stiffened at the mention of the name.

“Nice guy, lovely, and funny,” Yoshi went on.

“So Junghwan?” Doyoung repeated the name. He decided to pretend not to know who the guy is.

“Yeah, you have not met all the Filipino nurses here?”

“I haven’t had the time, the shift is also different.”

“Yeah, I see. We’re here.”

They entered the cafeteria. It wasn’t big, with very minimal displays as well.

“You should meet him,” Yoshi cannot seem to let go of the man.

“How did you two meet?” Doyoung asked out of curiosity.

“We’re batchmates,” Yoshi told him. The nurse ordered a wrap of sandwiches. Doyoung did not. He has lost his appetite. “We boarded the plane together here and stayed in the same flat, you know, so we can split the bill and save money.”

“That’s cool,” Doyoung managed to comment.

“Totally reliable guy,” Yoshi continued and Doyoung wanted him to shut up because he doesn’t like the sound of another man complimenting his ex-boyfriend. “The first few days have been particularly difficult for us, but he was there when I needed someone to lean on. I’m forever grateful.”

“Really?” his voice trembled.

“Are you okay?” Yoshi asked him. Doyoung has lost all his energy and the corners of his eyes are gathering some water. “You look pale.”

“I’m fine. Go on, continue talking.”

“About?”

“This Junghwan guy,”

“Okay,” Yoshi looked at him with concerned eyes and Doyoung doesn’t like it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,”

“If you say so,” the other.

While Yoshi was talking, Doyoung’s heart lurched in betrayal and contempt. Junghwan has been taking care of someone, totally forgetting about giving him a call because the guy was too keen to take care of someone other than his boyfriend.

“He also loved going to the beach, there was this one time when we were at the baywalk in Santa Monica, he said he missed home, he missed the people there.”

“Sounds like he’s in a relationship,” Doyoung preluded.

“He never mentioned.”

Like a thousand shards of glasses slapped in him, Doyoung felt it again, the pain of betrayal.

“But are you two in a relationship?”

“What? Us? No!” Yoshi denied. “I don’t like him that way, I mean, he’s too good for me. Besides,”

“Besides what?”

“It does look like he- wait, my pager.” Yoshi held up his pager. It’s blinking and they both know what that means. “Are you okay if I leave you here? Looks like I am needed inside.”

Doyoung did not even have the chance to respond before Yoshi disappeared.

He was left there trying to piece out the jigsaw puzzle that Yoshi left.

He wasn’t sure if he’ll be relieved or not.

***