CHAPTER 1: Slowmotion

It was the last day of April when Kim Doyoung felt it again: the heaviness in his heart. It was there but it was shushed by hope and his will to survive. He felt the stinging in his heart like an earthquake starting to shake a land mass. It was there again, ready to eat him alive.

He has been receiving psychiatric treatment ever since his parents found out he has been spacing out most of the time and there are prolonged sleeping hours - patterns that lead to mental instability.

His life began to revolve around his sleeping hours, which increased from the not-so-good five hours a day he was used to while college was still something worth waking up for to at least fourteen hours a day in one big snooze at night and many shorter naps throughout the day. He just had ten hours to live after that. He didn't eat much and appeared to have lost his will to live. He spent days alone in his room looking at things that didn't exist.

Fear became his friend.

Like pieces of the puzzle fit together, Kim Doyoung has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. It stemmed from his inability to let go of the death of his older brother which he blamed himself. It was triggered by his failed romantic relationship. It was a nuclear fusion – two light atomic nuclei combine to form a single heavier one while releasing massive amounts of energy. It released trauma. It triggered depression.

According to the psychiatrist, that was the reason why Kim Doyoung cannot swim in the ocean. His guilt is drowning him, it is eating him away even in dreams.

“Dreams are remnants of how our days went,” he heard the doctor tell him. “If you keep entertaining these thoughts, they will likely stay with you. Let us take a slow-burn approach, okay? This will not be easy, but we’ll take this slow and I need your trust and cooperation.”

He found hope in the sessions. He found the will to live again. He found strength in the crying face of his younger brother who told him to come back. He found courage in his parents’ worried faces.

The doctor has been giving him less medication now.

He tried to live normally again. He never told Mashiho what happened to him. He need not worry about his best friend who’s far away from him.

He decided to go to the city of Sta. Barbara. He went to Loey’s and made his way to have coffee. Yedam is nowhere to be found. He did not even dare to ask where the barista was. He ordered a coffee and smiled politely at the people that came.

He took a seat across from a man. He forced himself to strike up a conversation. They laughed and talked, and Doyoung's wandering mind was soon soothed by the coffee and their waves of laughter. He felt sparkles in his heart, which he interpreted as hope. He attempted to hold to it as soon as he felt it, believing that whatever had happened in the previous months was a one-time incident and that he could now be happy again.

In October, Kim Doyoung received an email with a job offer. He decided he needed a new environment.

In his hotel room in Sta. Monica, Kim Doyoung was awakened in the middle of the night by the ringing of his phone. He just arrived two hours ago and the feeling of jetlag settled in him like a long-time friend. He opened his eyes in an attempt to will himself to move, but it was a painstakingly long attempt. He looked blearily at the bedside clock, snatched up the phone, and answered it.

“Did you arrive safely?” he almost forgot the voice, but he felt thankful he managed to remember how Choi Hyunsuk sounded. The guy had been keen on hiring him for an advertising and marketing position that he accidentally applied for on the website with an unfinished application letter. Choi Hyunsuk told him that was a very interesting yet weird way to catch a hiring manager’s attention. Doyoung was even offered a plane ticket for free as part of his sign-on bonus. He almost thought it was a scam.

“Hey,” Doyoung replied. “I have arrived safe and sound, thanks for the call.”

Talking to many people has been a struggle for him, but he is getting there.

“Cool beans! Someone will pick you up tomorrow at seven-thirty at the lobby with a plate number TRS-9720, a dark blue van. I’ll send you the details by e-mail as well. Good night!” Doyoung did not even have the chance to reply before the phone beeped signaling the end of the conversation.

It has been five months since he decided he does not need an explanation of why things happened to him. He wanted to do himself, and the way to do it is to finally free himself from the haunting memories that keep coming back. He felt like if he stayed longer in Sta. Barbara, he could not keep his sanity. He cannot move on if everything is in Sta. Barbara reminded him of the man who left him.

At ten in the morning the next day, Doyoung reached 7’Chill Advertising firm, a modern two-story building between two gigantic buildings that towered above the downtown Sta. Monica. The ground floor lobby was buzzing with men and women in casual attires.

The driver of the car who drove him all the way here named Jihoon asked him to follow in a long flight of stairs that stretches until his neck is fully elevated. He looked up to see an expensive-looking chandelier hanging. He wondered how a two-story building could have long stairs.

“In case you are wondering and I can see it in your eyes… each floor is seven meters tall which is about the average height of a coconut tree, so don’t wonder why the stairs stretch so much.”

Doyoung nodded as he hold on to the railings as he catches his breath.

“He likes number seven so much, it’s his first player number in football when he was young, and he’s the seventh member to be announced in his team. The guy’s dramatic too, you could say you miss your family already and he’ll cry,” Jihoon laughed. “Hyunsuk is basically the owner of this company,” he told him while they trudge upwards. Doyoung noted the number of paintings hanging on the wall and the number of Marvel figurines placed on each step of the stairs. He has never seen anything this grandiose before.

“He’s kind and very understanding,” Jihoon faced him and paused. “And by the looks of it, he seemed to have taken an interest in you, not in a weird way though.”

Doyoung wanted to agree because Hyunsuk on the phone has anything but a good person with proper greetings and light jokes that could make first-time communication less intimidating.

“Finally in the flesh, Kim Doyoung,” Hyunsuk urged him to sit down. Doyoung noticed how small the office was than what his imagination allowed him to think. Jihoon sat beside Hyunsuk.

“This is Jihoon, my business partner, he basically owned this building.” Jihoon elbowed him. “He’s modest too and doesn’t want other people to know it was his idea to start this business.”

Doyoung just nodded his head but couldn’t believe that the co-owner drove him here and looked like some sort of a driver or assistant.

“And I am Hyunsuk and I will be your direct supervisor. You’ll work under me but don’t worry, I don’t eat.”

“I understand,” Doyoung simply said.

“Our company does advertising and marketing but your job will have something to do with e-mail marketing which includes e-mail blasts, newsletters, and news releases. I understand that you have a background in content writing and management which made you the perfect candidate for this job,” Hyunsuk paused as he flipped the whiteboard in front of them. “You will write not for my company but for our clients, which means we are an outsourcing company. And guess what?”

Doyoung looked at it.

“Your first project will be an international one.”

Doyoung had to blink his eyes before he could decipher what was just announced. The day has just begun, and he was never offered water, yet the news announced to him seemed unstoppable.

“We have an active client that looks into the correlation between autism and ADHD among children,” Hyunsuk opened his laptop and allowed it to face Doyoung. Jihoon was just listening. “And he is opening his psychiatric consultation firm.”

“Which means,” Jihoon stood up. “You’ll be flying to the US in three weeks … that will be enough to get your papers ready, no worries, everything will be shouldered by the client.”

Too stunned by the information, Doyoung just stood there.

“I hope you won’t back down from this offer. This is a really great opportunity for you, and it’s given to you on your first day on the job,” Hyunsuk stepped forward and patted him on his shoulder. “That speaks so much on the amount of trust we have in you.”

“It’s a really high-paying job,” Jihoon told him. “Plus, I am sure the client will give you bonuses too, plus free travel to the US. I’ve never been there, poor me.”

“Give it a thought,” Hyunsuk told him and folded his arms across his chest. “A proper thought.”

“Am I going there alone?” Nervous is not the correct statement. He’s almost hyperventilating and he can feel it again: the heaviness in his heart. It’s resurfacing. He never dreamt of working abroad and now it’s served on his plate.

“We’ll see about that,” Jihoon responded. “The client requested one only, but I can’t be sure yet. We can have a plus one, but we can’t be certain.”

“Just a hypothetical question,” Doyoung started. He breathed heavily. The other two looked at him with such curiosity. “What if I won’t go?”

“We’ll still let you go, it’s a company decision.”

Doyoung suddenly noted Choi Hyunsuk might eat him alive at the workplace.

He arrived at his workstation. It’s a small private room on the second floor that faces the other side of the city. He sat down at the lone chair and leaned on it. He scanned the area only to see how bare the room is and how it smelled disinfectant. The smell reminded him of someone.

He shrugged the thought.

He turned the computer on in front of him and registered the new work email the human resource department gave him. He checked the emails in case some tasks were assigned to him for his first day. None.

“Kim Doyoung?” A tall lad peeked out on the door after a series of knocks.

“Yes?”

“Mr. Choi wanted you in his office right now,” the guy answered. “And while you are away, allow us to install a telephone line here.”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you!”

He passed by a long empty walkway before arriving at Hyunsuk’s office. When he arrived, the owner was not alone.

“Kim Doyoung!” the owner happily called him. “Come on in. This is Park Jeongwoo.”

Park Jeongwoo.

Kim Doyoung knows who Park Jeongwoo is. He is in So Junghwan’s circle of friends. What the nursing graduate doing in a marketing company, Doyoung has no idea.

“Nice to finally meet you, Doyoung.”

The handshake was grip, strong, and with a hidden agenda of unsureness. Doyoung wanted to note the sad smile on Jeongwoo’s face and it made him feel like a total dumping site of pity.

By the looks of it, Park Jeongwoo knows. Doyoung took a deep breath before letting go of Park Jeongwoo’s right hand.

“He’ll be joining you in the US soon,” Hyunsuk said. “The client approved a two-man expedition, sorry for the term, but it will be a long journey though. All expenses have been paid already including your one-month stay there.”

“One month?” Doyoung repeated.

“Yeah, is something wrong?”

“Why too long?” Doyoung asked. “Not that I am complaining, but why a whole month?”

“That sounded like a complaint to my ears,” Hyunsuk side-eyed him. “Client request. Take it with a grain of salt, he might ask you to stay for a longer period of time. The working visa we applied for is good for one year.”

“That’s a shocker,” Jeongwoo commented.

“At least you’ll get some snow experiences,” Hyunsuk told them. “Now, get along boys, and plan out everything, whatever strategy you’re going to go about, inform me first and I’ll share what I have in my mind too so we are on the same page.”

He arrived at the hotel, which he later found was Jihoon’s business. No wonder he gave Doyoung a free stay. He presented his VIP card at the lounge which merits him free meals throughout his free three-week stay before going to the US.

The lady server offered him a bowl of soup but he declined it earnestly and told her he is up for a light meal tonight of two chicken drumsticks and a small plate of lasagna.

He took a sit in the rear of the area where a grand piano is located.

The events today had him spiraling to grapple with the situations and he cannot read what’s on his mind.

He took a bite of the crunchy chicken and chewed quietly. He had a small talk with Park Jeongwoo earlier. They had not been properly introduced when they were in college and that’s the beauty of it. They do not have a personal connection and Doyoung would like it that way.

In their conversation, he found that Park Jeongwoo did not take the licensure examination for nurses and opted to join the corporate world. He is related to Park Jihoon in a way but his potential and skills in marketing were the penultimate reason why he got the job. In fact, he has been appointed 7’Chill’s head of the marketing department several months ago.

Park Jeongwoo, as far as Doyoung remembers, had been a basketball star at their university and had been an active balladeer in some important school events. He was supremely fit and exceptionally smart with Latin honors when they graduated.

It was inevitable that they have to talk and Doyoung dreaded it. He doesn’t like to be asked about So Junghwan nor the urge to ask Jeongwoo if he knew Junghwan’s plans all along. Either of the two, he does not like.

The next morning, while he ate the breakfast meal served at the hotel lounge, Park Jeongwoo joined him.

“Good morning,” Jeongwoo greeted as soon as he slid on the chair opposite Doyoung. He could feel Jeongwoo’s dark eyes looking at him and sense an expectation to reciprocate the greetings.

“Hi,” Doyoung managed to greet back. “What are you doing here?”

“I usually eat here,” Jeongwoo told him. “I don’t mean no harm,” he said out of the blue after splitting the toasted bread. Some of the crumbs flew on the table. He has a rich, deep voice that reminded Doyoung of bronze and polished wood.

“The world is full of people who mean no harm and cause a great deal of it,” Doyoung commented. A sad smile. There it is again, the sad smile on Jeongwoo’s face.

“I can’t argue with that, Kim Doyoung.”

“Call me Doyoung, please.”

Silence.

It’s been a long time since he shared silence with someone else. The past few months had his silence all by himself.

“I got off from a Zoom meeting with Steve Harrington, our client, last night to get into the details about our one-month expedition.”

“Can we not talk about work when it is not working time yet?”

“It will be in California.”

“What?” Doyoung stopped eating and looked at Jeongwoo, who looked at him concerned.

“And it will be at Shriner’s Children Hospital,” Jeongwoo finished. “I just have to tell you.”

Doyoung remained silent the entire course of breakfast as well as their motorcycle ride from the hotel to their workplace. Jeongwoo offered him a ride, and because Doyoung was too tired to argue and take a public bus, he took the offer.

The clock tower of the St. Monica center announced the time from its lofty position high above the ground: nine-thirty in the morning. Behind their work building, Jeongwoo parked his motorcycle. Doyoung thanked him.

“I’ve got to ask you something,” Doyoung stopped Jeongwoo from entering the entrance. “How much do you know?”

“Look,” Jeongwoo, who seemed to have known what the other is referring to, faced him. “It’s been a long time since I talked to Junghwan, I did not even know he swing like that until Haruto, our friend, told me you two are dating. I mean, were dating.”

Past tense, Doyoung noted the correction. So, he knew.

“I’ve lost communication with him but it doesn’t mean we’re bad blood, we just lost communication while we entered the working stage.”

“Look,” Doyoung looked at Jeongwoo with such intensity. “Can you not look at me like I am some sort of a charity case, more so, a hapless person?”

“I’m not-“

“I am perfectly fine and please do not look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I am pitiful. Not everyone is broken-hearted.”

“Sorry, I was just-“

“I don’t need your concern.”

Little could be done for the rest of the week. The company’s mind was on the international project. They had a meeting with their fifty-six-year-old client and everything seemed to fall into pieces.

“Why at Shriner’s?” Doyoung asked the old man via Zoom who is currently being assisted by a rather younger-looking ma. He could see Jeongwoo making small movements when he mentioned the hospital name. “And why in Cali?”

“Don’t you like it?” he could hear the playfulness in the old man’s voice. “Shriner’s a very good hospital and the director there is a good friend. They also have a psychiatric ward which is what I am looking for plus it is a public hospital. Collaboration is a great avenue in the development of positive reinforcement in the field of autism and ADHD. Why do you ask, young man?”

“Nothing really,” Doyoung answered. But it was nothing. “I was just trying to piece out some pieces of puzzles here. As a writer, I ought to know.”

“Right,” the old man responded. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

No sooner had Kim Doyoung and Park Jeongwoo walked in the November cold days on Stocktown Boulevard in Sacramento, California. They both felt the cold breeze past them as the snow kept on falling to the ground, covering the road in the endless sight of white. The eerie stillness was broken by the synchronized honking of the cars. Doyoung suddenly missed home.

“This feels new,” Jeongwoo excitedly skid and hopped around. “Finally, in the flesh, snow!”

Doyoung cannot help it but feel the joy the other has been emitting ever since they landed in California two days ago.

“Be careful, you’ll trip!” he called out as the other has gone farther from him. The people around him seemed to mind their own business as they kept on flowing the road.

They had a long day and he wanted to have a good night’s sleep. However, Park Jeongwoo doesn’t seem to care about his predicament.

“I heard a popular beach has been re-opened to the public yesterday,” Jeongwoo told him as soon as they arrived at the town’s center. “It’s a walking distance from here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, by the looks of it, it looks like a baywalk or something.”

“A baywalk?”

“I heard so, with street foods.”

“In winter?”

“Maybe?”

“So, you’re not sure?”

“I am certain it has re-opened, but I am not certain about street foods.”

“Shall we grab some food before going there?”

“So, you’re coming?”

“I could visit some baywalk if there is.”

“I told you, it exists.”

“Okay cool.”

When they arrived, the baywalk is not packed with people, only minimal. It’s dark, and the street lights can’t properly light every part of it. There is little traffic at the entrance, and most people are moving out from the fence in a hurry.

Doyoung did not expect the baywalk to have an array of stores. Only a few windows appear lighted from inside. Most shops are only dimly lit with two exceptions. One is a 24/7 grocery. The other one is a shop that is closed, and he wonders if the owners simply forgot to switch off the lights or if they have a special contract with their power supplier.

Some were busy taking pictures, and some were talking. Jeongwoo gave Doyoung his coffee and both decided to settle at the kiosk.

“How are you liking California?” Jeongwoo asked him. They were bundled in thick jackets and scarves around their neck.

“Not bad, it’s really cold,” Doyoung commented. “I am not used to this.” He meant the thick clothes and the thick socks and the gloves.

“But you look good in those,” Jeongwoo complimented him.

“Shut up!” he grimaces when he looks up and a thick flake of snow hit his eyes. He let out a frown as he tried to get it out from his eyesight while holding his cup of hot chocolate.

“What are you doing?” Jeongwoo asked him, laughing.

“A snow covered my eyes,” he whines. “Do something about it.”

“Stay still,” Jeongwoo held his shoulder. It was a soft grip, too careful.

He felt Jeongwoo’s soft fingers touch his cold face. The warmth felt good. It came unexpectedly and left but less than a second later, much warmer than before. Jeongwoo is staring at him.

“Thanks,” Doyoung managed to mumble.

“Not really a problem,” the other responded. “But, you’re welcome.”

They stayed silent.

Silence. There it is again, Doyoung noted.

“We’re finally going to Shriner’s tomorrow,” Jeongwoo reminded him.

“We will,” Doyoung tried to sound like it doesn’t affect him. “And I am excited to finally meet children with autism. Actually, I have not met one actually even in the Philippines.”

“I have an encounter with one, but it was short,” Doyoung could note the change in the other’s voice. “I met the kid in a restaurant. He seemed like any other kid until he threw some tantrums, the mother apologized for his autistic son.”

“That’s sad,” Doyoung commented as he took a sip of his chocolate. “I almost forgot we’re in the middle of the snow, I was about to complain about how my coffee got cold quickly.”

“You’re funny!”

Doyoung laughed.

“What’s funny?”

“Just life in general. At six earlier I had to take a power nap and look at us now. It’s almost ten, drinking some cold coffee and I regret coming here to my very soul. It’s so dark now I can barely see a thing, who knows they also have inflation here in the US that they cannot afford proper street lights. It’s just funny.”

Jeongwoo laughed out loud too and Doyoung felt his chest warm up to his ears at the sound of it, satisfied with himself for succeeding at lightening up the mood eventually.

“I’m sorry you had to be dragged all the way here,” Jeongwoo told him as he threw the cup in the trash bin across them.

“I was not dragged here. I wanted to come and so I did, just quite regretful,” he said with confidence.

Jeongwoo smiled at him warmly. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“You’re welcome,” Doyoung said and stretched his neck. His gloves touched the back of his neck.

After a few moments, Jeongwoo urged him to come down from the elevated kiosk. Wordlessly, he offered his hand for Doyoung to take so he won’t slip from the wet plight of stairs without tearing his eyes away from Doyoung.

With a silent nod, Doyoung took the offer and walked down.

Doyoung felt quite good.

They walked to the flat their client has rented for them. Jeongwoo made a phone call to Hyunsuk and they were both surprised the other had answered the call.

“Hey!” the other greeted in his cheerful voice.

“Hi! We’re just checking in that everything has been good here so far,” Jeongwoo informed him.

“Cool cool,” Hyunsuk responded. “I received some photos taken by Mr. Harrington himself. You guys are rocking the winter there.”

“We managed to stay alive.”

“What time is it in there?” Hyunsuk asked.

“We’re fifteen hours behind than you guys. It’s almost eleven here,” Jeongwoo glanced at his watch.

“It’s almost two in the afternoon here, a Wednesday.”

“Tuesday here,” Jeongwoo compared. “We’ll welcome Wednesday in a few hours.”

“I envy you.”

“You want the workloads?” Jeongwoo jokingly offered.

“No, thank you! Thanks for checking in, it’s good that you two are doing great.”

Doyoung showed up in the video call to wave at Hyunsuk before the call ended. They climbed the stairs and Jeongwoo let them both into the apartment.

As Doyoung took off his coat and let out a loud shivering sigh, he saw Jeongwoo turning on the television.

“Aren’t you going to bed?” he asked.

“In a few. Sometimes, I watch some foolishness on TV to get my mind numb and soft for sleeping.”

“That’s silly.”

“It’s far more effective than a sleeping pill.”

Jeongwoo laughed and Doyoung smiled cheekily to himself, comfortable again. He actually wanted to stay on the couch a little too, so he did and sat beside Jeongwoo, and did just so, not intending to fall asleep at all.

Doyoung opened his eyes to the sound of a light snore. The television was still running, yet he had obviously fallen asleep. He shut it down, rose silently to a sitting position, and rubbed his face.

The apartment was very dark and quiet, with only a few beams of street lights eerily spilling into the living room.

He breathed deeply and his eyes closed themselves, letting images from the previous day run through his mind. He opened them again and glanced at his phone for the time, it was two-forty in the morning already. He closed his eyes again for a longer time.

He opened his eyes and looked at the other end of the couch, where Jeongwoo was now slumbering. He was lying on his side, his arms folded at his chest and his hair pulled back into a small messy ponytail, chest rising and falling slowly, peacefully.

Doyoung has to admit it, Park Jeongwoo is a handsome man.

He closed his eyes again, this time, he decided to accompany the man to sleep on the couch with the thick blankets and heater keeping them warm.

Hospitals are places where people with diseases receive treatment. Some hospitals are owned and administered by the government or charitable trusts where the cost of treatment is very less. Some hospitals are owned by private entities where the cost of treatment is more. Treatment in a hospital is provided by the employees of a hospital, which include but are not limited to doctors and nurses.

But to Doyoung, today, a hospital is what he dreaded the most. It’s been around five months since he has not heard of So Junghwan and he might be meeting the latter here.

He has to admit that he tried checking all the social media accounts his boyfriend has. Facebook and Instagram, no update, he has not changed anything in the accounts. Their pictures together were not deleted and their relationship status has not been removed.

Doyoung assumed that they are still together but he doesn’t like to get his hopes up, especially since he decided he should move on.

There was no proper breakup or maybe there was, but he wasn’t able to read between the lines.

Looking back at the event, there was no proper goodbye. So Junghwan left, and he did not say anything to Doyoung.

There was a conversation two days before Junghwan left. It was short, it was only one-sided with Junghwan explaining he had to go and asking Doyoung for his understanding of the matter discussed. He asked Doyoung to wait for him. But Junghwan has not contacted him for almost half a year. It frustrated him.

Doyoung could remember the times when he has to wait only to find out the day was over with no phone calls. He has to restrain himself from asking Chanwoo or any of Junghwan’s brothers about his situation, but he cannot dare to do it.

Is it safe to assume they have broken up? Doyoung has no idea and he doesn’t want to hold on to that.

Now, he might be seeing the love of his life again. He might see the man who broke him. He has decided to move on and not be affected. He is here for his job, he shouldn’t be distracted.

Or so he thought.

Mr. Harrington, with his assistant, is waiting for them in the reception area.

The hospital is big, and Doyoung could already tell the difference between hospitals in the US and in his country. Despite that it has been founded fifty years ago, the hospital looks fresh and new, never tainted by time and different weather.

Nervous, he stepped in at the entrance while Jeongwoo was following suit.

“There they are,” Mr. Harrington greeted. Doyoung approached him in bigger strides because he knows how much value the old man has put in time management.

“I suppose we’re not late,” Jeongwoo smiled at the old man while adjusting his coat.

“I’m glad you have arrived ahead of time. I hope you have adjusted to the weather just fine,” the old man said.

“Barely, but we’re getting there,” Doyoung told him.

“I like the spirit. This is Yoon Jaehyuk, my secretary.”

“Nice to meet you,” Yoon Jaehyuk greeted the two other people.

“Pleased to meet you,” Doyoung greeted back.

“He’s Filipino but has not visited your country in more than fifteen years,” Mr. Harrington told them as he urged the rest to follow him to the psychiatric ward. “It was his idea to outsource from the Philippines, and thank you for coming here.”

Doyoung looked around, eyes and other sense organs to their one hundred percent functionality rate.

The day went by in a flash. Doyoung was able to center his email template on the importance of the foundation years of the children and their right to receive proper treatment.

Yoon Jaehyuk was too kind to give them a tour of the large building. They passed by different departments and noted the differences in services the foreign hospital offers to his country.

Jeongwoo, on the other hand, had been relatively quiet and Doyoung could sense he was observing too – waiting for a certain someone to appear out of nowhere.

“Doing good?” Jeongwoo managed to ask him when they took a rest at the hospital’s right-wing. People were passing by, bundled in thick furs.

“Yeah, I am, thank you for asking.”

“How about we go to the baywalk tonight? What do you say?” Jeongwoo proposed.

“Nah,” Doyoung smiled at him sadly. “I planned to go out for a walk, alone.”

“Right,” Jeongwoo replied, a smile pasted on his face. “It’s a good therapy to walk alone sometimes.”

“True,” Doyoung affirmed. “People always associate being alone with loneliness. But it’s not true.”

Under the snowy atmosphere, there is a serenity, a sense of peace that offers to resonate with the peaceful elements of the soul. Walking among those drops is Doyoung’s meditation, a way to fully become present at the moment, a way to feel free. It has been an added pleasure ever since he arrived in the foreign land.

He walked along the busy streets where he met people of different colors. For the first time, he basked himself in people, he blended into the crowd and allowed this moment to sink in on him. It’s a breath of fresh air.

He took a picture of the tall building in front of him. It’s adorned with Christmas lights. All the lights twinkle and glow and dim in a specific span of seconds before they sparkle again. The pattern allowed the area to go dark and then illuminated again. Doyoung finds the pattern relaxing.

He took a picture again. Contented, he sat down at the available bench. He patted the surface to remove the snow slowly piling up on the seat and took a comfortable seat. He checked the results of his photography.

They’re extraordinary, he complimented himself. He was about to flip to the next photo when Doyoung noticed something in his last picture. He zoomed it in. With trembling hands, he zoomed it more.

It was someone, standing tall in front of the building. The posture, Doyoung knows the posture too well. He closed his phone and looked at the area where the man was standing.

There he was.

The lights dimmed, and in a few seconds, the area will be illuminated again, revealing the standing man. When the light dimmed, the man walked in Doyoung’s direction.

He moved as slowly as the light itself, for though science teaches Doyoung that it is fast, to his eye, it comes so slowly as if it is brightened and dimmed from sun-up to sunset. His heart skipped some beats, and his world slowed down for a good minute while waiting for the guy to arrive near him.

Doyoung finds it fascinating how his perception of typical everyday events can be altered when a new person arrived in life. The colors seem crisper. All of his surroundings suddenly seem like the landscape that could inspire an artist to paint his masterpiece. The background noise he tried so hard to muffle out just days before, begins to form a rhythm, and he finds himself humming a little rhythm in accompaniment and shuffling his feet to the beat.

It's like he is dancing on his own again.

Under the bright city lights, the man approached him. Slowly, Doyoung can finally get a glimpse of the man’s face. His hair moved up and down as he took long strides to Doyoung.

Under the pretense that he has moved on, Kim Doyoung stood up and with trembling hands, he wiped the tears running down his cheeks.

He took a deep breath and so does the man in front of him.

“Is that seat taken?”

Under the bright city lights, So Junghwan asked him.

***